There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
