ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
