I got chris browned last night
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
