either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
