I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
