What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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