saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
