the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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