The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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