Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
