you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently you make a good broom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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