We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the day after is always just damage control
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
