I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
