im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
