Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
