I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
