so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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