Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
