covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So squirting runs in the family.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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