Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
