I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
