The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
