This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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