i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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