all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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