Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
