I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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