There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
