You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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