I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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