There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
