Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
