Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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