it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
