I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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