do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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