I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
