it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
