is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
