I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
