I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
