I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
