i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
