it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
