There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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