is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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