omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
