i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
