She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
