Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
