Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
