Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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