I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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